At least I amuse myself

Maybe it’s the lack of sleep and over-exertion I’ve been putting myself through, but I am not ashamed to admit that I am giggling myself stupid over this exchange of messages.

It’s been quite a while since I’ve gotten an online dating message that has lent itself to any sort of amusement, but I instantly knew where I was going to go with this one.

The guy started off with a question based on my user name, perhaps showing off his ability to use google translate.

So what kind of pragmatic dreams?

Oh, I have a lot of those. But the first that came to mind…

I glanced at your screenname and at first thought it said trilobite, and had flashbacks to college geology class.

Okay so here’s an example. I’ve always wanted to have a midget for a best friend and drinking buddy, but I have come to accept that this is probably not going to happen. It’s probably because they don’t like being called Stubby McMidgetpants, but I just can’t help myself. I have a back up plan though. One day I hope to find a simple minded person that I can win over with Jersey Shore insider gossip and an endless supply of judgement-addling moonshine, and eventually convince to undergo a leg-shortening surgery. Then BOOM, I have my midget best bud.

If that’s not a pragmatic way to fulfill a dream, I don’t know what on Earth would be.

I’ve spent way too much time tonight googling how to make moonshine. Feds, I’m really not planning on operating my own still. Way too much work for far too crappy booze.

Well I am speachless…

Well now, I just may have found myself a candidate.

Hey, did you hear that the JWOWW actually came from a family of lobster fishers? She secretly carries on the family business, using “tanning” as an excuse for the time spent checking traps.

My knowledge of Jersey Shore is based entirely off of clips they showed on the new Beavis and Butthead episodes. You know it’s bad when cartoon delinquents look smart in comparison.

Excuse me… I am lost in translation here…sorry my English must be too limited…

Better and better. Anyone know a good back alley amputater?

You sound like a person who could use some Tennessee white whiskey in his life.

Apparently all it takes is sugar, yeast, water, and equipment that may or may not explode in your house. Why buy $20 bottles of vodka when all the excitement of homemade hooch can be yours for much less?

yes, that i could! ;-)

Simple? Check. Likes dodgy booze? Check. One more question to ask.

Have you ever felt like short man trapped in a tall man’s body?

So close! Dare I hope?

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