1-800-RAGE

I hate automated customer service lines, though to be fair, I can’t think of anyone who doesn’t.  For the longest time I thought that Cox cable’s was the absolute worst, as it relied on voice recognition that never fucking worked.  However, they’ve gone back to the button-pushing system and now the honor of Most Rage-Inducing Phone system goes to Toyota Financial.

I went to their website to log in and make my car payment, but must have misremembered which username/password combo I’d set up, so my account got locked.  Well, to unlock the account, you have to have your account number, which I don’t have.  It’s on the bills, but I shred those.  I probably have some paperwork at home, but I’d have to dig for it, and let’s face it, there’s no way I’m going to remember to do that 8 hours from now.  The payment needs to be made today before 6pm in order to be on time.  So I called the 800 number to find out if I could get technical help in resetting my password.

Calling the number and pressing 1 for account holder prompts a 2 minute fucking commercial for the new Camey.   Then when I finally got into the system, it recited payoff amounts, last payment, next payment, and every other fucking detail about the account before going through any options.  So I press the number for paying over the phone, and of course there’s a fee.  Thinking maybe a rep would be able to do something, I hit 0 and was connected to a very unhelpful person.  No, there’s no support staff that can reset a password.  No, I can’t give you your account number, but I can mail it.  No, I can’t waive the convenience fee.  It’s $5 through the automated system, and $10 if I take your payment info.  Okay, fine, put me back to the automated system.

Where I have to sit through the same bullshit commercial again.  Only this time when I enter the last 4 of my social, it doesn’t recognize me and says it’s transferring me to a rep.

I hang up, and dial again.

Fucking commercial.  Die Camry, die!  I hate the Camry.  If I saw a Camry right now, I’d kick it.

Get through to the system, listen to it recite the amounts, my medical history, and the weather for 5 major cities.  It takes two minutes for the damn system to explain how the automated payment works before giving me the options to enter my information.  I paused very slightly in pushing the buttons for my checking acct number, and it registered the first section as a first failed attempt, then the button I pushed next as my second failed attempt.  “Please hold, you are being transferred…”

Hang the fuck up.

Dial again.

SHUT UP ABOUT THE GOD DAMN CAMRY ALREADY.

 I vow to never, ever purchase a Camry.  Or maybe any other Toyota vehicle.  I consider refinancing my loan just so I don’t have to deal with this system ever again.

After I hear a repeat of my account information, the latest celebrity gossip, detailed instructions on how to push buttons to make money come out of my checking account, and a reading of my blood pressure,* I finally, finally, get my payment processed.

And this is why I had a brownie as a morning snack.  Now, excuse me while I figure out a way to Irish up my coffee.  Someone in this office must have a stash.

*Through the fucking roof.
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