It has been a very slow few weeks on the online dating front. Partly this is because of my own busy-ness, with the usual school/family/work cop outs, but I’ve received far fewer dumb messages than normal. Did I finally tweak my profile as to weed them out? I’d have to publish the magic formula, if so, but for my purposes I’d be sad. Those clueless douchewits amuse me, darn it.

But soft, what dim, sputtering light from yonder smoke-clouded window breaks? It is a man-boy, trying to compose a thrilling missive, and failing.

The man-boy sends:


I blocked the winking function on this site, but by golly he’s determined to wink at me.  The only appropriate response to that was the “flipping a table in rage” emoticon.

(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻

Finally, some words!

Wow that looks pretty cool….but i have no idea what it is! lol. care to explain?

Actually, I think preferred the emoticons.  Let me express this with the official Look of Disapproval.


He’s not giving up yet, this one.

do you speaka any englisha? haha ;-)

Lol I dunno!


Apparently that emoticon is pretty hot in bro-speak, because the interest it spawned was immediate.

beer pong tournament at my boys house… you down? hit me up on chat

And a couple of minutes later

turn your IM on….miss 70% match :-)

I am now seriously doubting this matching algorithm.  And not just from his messages, I finally looked at his profile after this.  Bro-tastic.  *Shudder*


Again, I wonder if some of these guys have used their approaches on multiple targets, and if they have ever worked.  Sure, showing up at a random dude’s house for beer pong sounds like a great idea – when you’re in college and already drunk.  At this point, it would just be sad.

i want to hear about your warrior dash thing…write me a normal email sometime lol

I had decided, upon sending my first response, that I was just going to respond with emoticons and see how long he would keep going.  At this point I was trying to find a way to make a turd (preferably steaming) out of text, but didn’t come up with much.  Adolescents on the internet, you have failed me.

(\/) (;,,;)(\/)

Need new emoticon?  Why not Zoidberg?

that’s it i give up on you

And thus ends the only exchange in the past few weeks that has been worth posting.



One thought on “Emoti-lame

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s