I find your tone patronizing

Using my last post as a segue, when I respond on dating sites with absurdity that might be interpreted as being borderline belligerent, I’m simply weeding out the lame-os.  I tend to follow a few tactics.

Is the message intelligent, amusing, and/or intriguing?  I will respond in kind (I hope).

Is the message boring or bland, and doesn’t give me much to work with?  I up the silly ante and try to see if there is something fun lurking under the surface.

Is the message straight-up dumbfuckery?  Time to put on my smartass pants!  I’ll probably alienate them, which is nothing to cry over, but there is the odd chance that I might uncover a gem in the rough.

Of course there’s a whole range within those three categories, but you get the gist.

This message bordered on dumbfuckery, though he wins points for flattery.

You should add me to your ‘to-do list.’
And clear plenty of time for all the casual-to-high-risk activities we can explore.

tl;dr, you’re so cool.

Often I’ll just take a key word from a message and run with it.

I have added you to my roster of badger piercers. They just look so classy with little diamond earings. You will be getting a kit in the mail, but I should earn you that we only send alcohol wipes for the badgers. you will have to provide your own first aid kit should you encounter a badger who is not ammenible to body modification.

If you would like a higher risk activity, I could put you on the tiger pedicure crew.

So pretty!

Maybe I’m being over sensitive, but I find this guy’s response slightly condescending.

My what an active imagination.
I changed badger to beaver so it made for a more enticing read. ;)

Hope I could be so lucky to enjoy your thoughts a bit deeper?!

I mean, that’s the kind of wide-eyed shit you say to a four year old when they babble on about how they’re going to be a ballerina fairy astronaut when they grow up, and eat birthday cake for breakfast every day on the planet of the fluffy unicorn bunnies.  My what an active imagination.  

You will be my bestest friend!

But I got distracted, probably by a bottle of wine, or maybe a shiny object, and I never did reply back.  This breaks my general rule about having the last word!

Let’s say this exchange was two and a half months ago, and I only found it when cleaning my inbox.  Is it too late to answer now?


5 thoughts on “I find your tone patronizing

    • Now I need a pet badger that I can name Mr. Sparkles.

      I think that unclean feeling may be the reason I never attempted to get in the last word. It’s like when trolling scammers, though, the more time the creeps spend messaging me and feeding my amusement, the less time they have to harass others. I’m doing for realz public service here!

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