I’d rather go out with Cleverbot

Screen names have been changed to protect the dimwitted.

A single father who describes himself as looking to settle down and perhaps create a blended family sent me a message this afternoon. Note, only sheer morbid curiosity prompted me to click through to view his profile, because there was absolutely nothing compelling about what he sent.

what is your yahoo messenger? My pics are on my yahoo messenger

My initial reaction was to respond with a bland “that’s nice.” You know, the sort of thing you say to a 5 year old who has a tendency to vocalize every thought that crosses her brain and you can’t really be bothered to respond meaningfully to her monologue about why tall socks are superior to short socks, or her observations on the politics of cupcake sharing in class. But I dug deep and realized that this could really go somewhere.

People actually use yahoo messenger?

Are you a bot?

I don’t know a single person who uses yahoo. I do know a lot of scantily clad women who really want me to visit their websites use it, though.

no I am not a bot lol, are you?
add me on yahoo messenger douchebot5001 I love that you are into the warrior dash lifestyle we can run a few together….I am doing a mud run in April I can’t wait:)

Steve

And a few minutes later

Waiting lol douchebot5001 yahoo

This guy really, really likes yahoo.  I had to suppress several urges to respond with “Shut your impatient whore mouth!”  Not this time.

I think you are a bot! Every time I check my yahoo mail (for spam only), I have several messages from chat bots saying I should message them for pics. Now, normally they are impossibly attractive women who have clearly been, shall we say, aesthetically enhanced, but maybe single dad from Michigan* is a new angle they are trying. I’m not convinced that you’ve passed the Turing test yet.

Which would you rather fight? A monkey armed with a shiv, or a nervous bank robber armed with a potato gun? Justify your answer.

Anyway, I don’t use yahoo messenger. Too many bots.

I’d go for the monkey, only I’d hypnotize it and turn it into my own personal shiv-wielding simian bodyguard.

How would a not know about your mud run and that u like radio head and that u spoke about cynicism ….I liked that. I am at work now I get out at ten lets talk then…

Add me
I just thought what if u r the not.

I like monkeys too much to fight them
Steve

I’m going to conduct an experiment. I’m going to post the first paragraph of my profile to Cleverbot and see how it responds. Because all this guy did was grab some keywords out of my info and turn it into gibberish.

Sure, I will add you to my imaginary, non-existent yahoo dealy.

My screen name is:
idontuseyahoosoimnotreallyaddingiwonderifthemessagegotthroughthistimeorifheis
goingtoaskmeyetagainifIwilladdhimonyahoofuckingmessenger

How does Cleverbot stack up?

CB: What do you want to talk about?
Me: Monkeys with shivs.
CB: And?
Me: Bank robbers with potato guns.
CB: Thanks!
Me: Which would you fight, a monkey with a shiv, or a bank robber with a potato gun?
CB: Ninja! Wait, they’re all human, aren’t they??
Me: I think you are a bot!
CB: I am no bot, I am a can of beans.

You know, Cleverbot wasn’t any less nonsensical, however, its grammar is far better than Steve’s. I’m going to call this a win for Cleverbot, because that conversation was way more entertaining.

*Note to stalkers – I’m not in Michigan. Aren’t I nice to narrow that down for you?

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