How I amuse myself on the metro

I received a message from a 21 year old who clearly thinks he has life figured out. He also annoyingly points out in his profile that he gets mad when other guys talk about how their big dicks get them girls, because HE has found that being well-endowed makes it difficult to be physical with some women.* Yes. We all need to know that you think you are in possession of a trousersaurus.* Pardon me while I swoon.


Here’s what he sent me:

I was just wondering if you would be interested in getting to know the man who’s going to (potentially) woo you =]. You should get to know a swell guy like myself who actually knows what he’s doing. I figured there’s no harm in asking :) Matt

My response:

Actually I prefer not to meet the people I date. I find that one retains that air of mystery this way.

Also, at 21 I’m not sure one can truly know what one is doing. Unless you’re talking about how to nurse a norwegian barking orchid back to health. Try as I might, I can’t get the lethargic thing to emit more than a wet cough. I’ve tried everything, even the controversial practice of planting it near a balinese hissing cactus in hopes that competition with it’s natural enemy would inspire it. No such luck. I’m about to trade it in for a nice, gentle creole chomping shrub.

I was disappointed not to hear back.

*But you’re not like other guys who brag about their giant penises.  No, you’re better because you complain.

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